GASICS Part 9

Now that all the hype around the first Mains attempt had run its course, the teachers switched gears. The big bad bully, JEE Advanced was around the corner, in another 4 months.

The batch suddenly shifted into revision mode, with the first hour of every class dedicated to solving advanced level tests and the other 2 analyzing it. The assumption was that that everyone was clear with the topics. I was very clearly NOT.

I hit new lows in stages in these 3 months, each time thinking it was rock bottom, just for it to get worse. The daily routine consisted of waking up, mugging up chemistry facts, and solving the tests from the previous day of class.

I joke now about being solely responsible for the class average in the tests to drop by 5 in a class of 80, but that was my reality for those 3 months.

All I could see was black, with everyday bringing a new 30 minute session of curling up in a corner of the shower, hoping the cold water would drown out some of the pain of the day before. It would end with me getting up, and making up my mind to do better in the next test. I was fully aware that it was a false hope, and I would be back here the next day.

But by this time, I had gotten too far to quit, so I kept going, hoping that something would change.

Nothing did, and the the effects were visible. I traded in 6kg of muscle in tears, that i had put in 6 months of sweat to gain.

In the final month, I tried to piece together the remaining shreds of my confidence by deciding to stop going to classes.

It was the best decision I made. At the very least, it started the process of getting out the depressive spiral I was now deep into. Things got better at a snails pace, until the day arrived.